I found out last Friday that I was not being offered a contract at the Drew School for the following year. My position is being restructured with either more accounting or database experience and will no longer be a full-time position, but a seasonal one. My contract ends on June 30th, so here's to changing life plans again.I've been trying to keep a good face on it, and really there's a lot of benefits that I can find, truly a lot, but I cant deny that there is a certain amount of depression-type feelings that surround that situation.
I dunno, I'm pushing through and looking at other things. I can still apply to grad school at USF for the fall, but I'll also need to figure out how to pay for it.
Even within the sadness and the loss, I feel more like myself, I'm working on controlling the self-destructive behavior that I know comes from life changes as this.
And oddly, I'm having a problem with feeling entirely unwanted. Every once and a while someone will make me feel pretty special, but damn, I've never felt so unnecessary at life as I have in the past month or so.
Looking forward to this passing.
2 comments:
Oh, my friend...It is so cliche to say my heart goes out to you, but that is truly how I feel. I have to say this is really unexpected, and I felt that one of the positives of your job was that it would help you save for grad school, and it certainly does not seem that you had much time to do that.
I am relieved you are feeling more like yourself. I hope that whatever the new path ends up being, it brings you to a situation where your contribution is valued.
This past year has proven to me that I am far from having "the answers" about careers, life paths, and the suckiness of being an adult, haha, but all I know is you are my best friend and I love you more than words can express -- like family, like my brother -- and I look forward to this passing for you, too.
Dude. I feel you times a hundredy thousand.
However; you, my friend, don't get to feel self destructive or depressed as you are just too damn cool for the whole debacle.
Fuck that job. You didn't like it anyway. And I know that because if you did like it it's all I would ever hear about=== and I'm not sure what you do, really. So end game on my point number one.
I've been thinking about geeking it up lately- maybe doing some random internships in foreign countries or volunteering at camps in the summer- anything that's a change of pace and gets me off being so damn hezziecentric- I just might recommend something similar for you? It might help with your rut phase AND even give you something else to focus on whilst jobhunting in this impossible economy...
Anyway, I love you. Fuck the man. Right in the ass. And know that you are ridiculously awesome. Your resume would make Donald Trump cream his pants so I know it's not about your skill set- Its about you doing what YOU love to do... If that's grad school then, so be it- but I always thought you were at your happiest when you were helping and analyzing other people. If you can find any way to do that AND make a shit ton of money- then I recommend that route (see also: Dr. Phil. If that bald ass motherfucka can get rich off of therapy-izing a bunch of redneck housewives- surely your sexy self can find something more appealing to help the usual everyday SF deviant).
I guess what my scattered ass sleep deprived brain is trying to say is: I'm damn proud of you. Sometimes the worse thing for us is mediocrity and boredom and you're handling them stunningly- you're even finding awesome, product ways to solve the boring mediocrity probably as I type this (you handsome problem solver, you). So please know this will pass and you will come out intensley pumped when you look back and realize you kicked this situation's ass.
So, in closing, a premature KUDOS to you friend. I raise my glass to the demons you are about to conquer.
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